chinatown at night
It seems appropriate that I spend this Aquarius full moon (on top of which, it's a partial lunar eclipse) indoors, reflecting and reevaluating the things that drive me. For the past two weeks I've been toying with the idea of blogging again, writing again, giving space to the parts of me that I've kept under wraps for quite some time now. Since shedding away who I was and the things I once knew three years ago, I've struggled to adjust to this new skin, struggled to set apart what has always been inherently me as opposed to what became a part of me by way of compromise, sacrifice, and adaptation. It's an interesting part of the journey, there's no doubt about that, but the biggest lessons I had to learn were to trust my intuition, to relinquish the illusion of control and to shift perspective--but enough about my growing pains!
Lately I haven't made an effort to set aside time for my craft and I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I can't remember the last time I touched my camera (actually it hasn't been that long but where's the fun in denying myself an occasional touch of melodrama) and I'm feeling a bit stuck in terms of my creativity. I wish I were more gung-ho about my projects but more often than not I spiral down and get too into my head about things--is this worth it? Am I a fraud? What does this mean? What's it contribute to? Am I overthinking things? Why am I so cripplingly analytical?! Does anyone else feel this way because sometimes I feel very alone in this, lol
Anyway, in response to my inner turmoil and artistic-existential crisis I'm taking up blogging again as a way to look back + share past work, kind of like an extension of my portfolio. At the same time, I'm seeing this as a way to chronicle my own process because I seem to be able to write better if I'm speaking to a "pretend" audience (only to be slightly surprised that some of you really do pay attention to the things I say).
I shot these portraits of my lovely best friend Brie mid-December last year during a time I felt very inspired to shoot more night photography and extended exposures. Chinatown has a pretty special place in my heart and in recent years I've fallen in love with its nighttime magic. When you're just passing through it appears to be quiet and sleepy but upon exploring this little area you find pockets of life bustling through the wee hours--and those lanterns! Walking under the rows of illuminated Chinese lanterns brightens up my heart and fills it with longing all at once, every time.
And if you know me, you know very well that I'm all about those sad-love vibes lol.